How to Catch a Husband
Did you know that in the 1960s a classic gaberdine trench coat was all it took to get a husband? So said the Sportscraft ads of the day. Women posing in pure new wool Aberdeen Gabardine were portrayed as: ‘completely spoiled and on the way to a nice rich husband.’
We may well snigger, but let’s not pretend for a minute we’ve all moved on. Been to a bookshop lately?
Perhaps fashion today isn’t as blatant about promising marital bliss but there are tomes aplenty that are, including: How to Make a Man Fall in Love with You: The Fail-Proof, Fool-Proof Method which advises against resorting to suicide, pregnancy or bribes but that you ‘establish instant trust and rapport’. ‘Stop Getting Dumped! All You need to Know to Make a Man Fall In Love With You and Marry The One in Three Years Or Less’ suggests you regularly refresh your lipstick, and offers a money-back get-married guarantee. Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others: The Fascinating Research That Can Land You the Husband of Your Dreams includes such handy hints as ‘what you absolutely must wear when you meet your boyfriend’s parents’. A gabardine trench perhaps?
There was brief respite from unashamed man catching in the 70s – 80s when it was thought perhaps we didn’t need them but it’s having a revival. It started with The Rules, that brazen guidebook to snaring a bloke. We pretended it was a hilarious joke but find a girl who hasn’t read it, lured by its pledge of ‘Time-tested Secrets For Capturing The Heart of Mr Right’. The Rules threatens us with certain failure (of ever getting married akin to eternal damnation) if we tell him what to do, end phone calls first or more than kiss on the first date.
It’s so 1995, we cry. Manipulative tenets hailing from pre-feminism pre-free-thought eras. Instinct and faith will guide us, we say. Love will rule. But then ‘Get Serious About Getting Married. 365 Proven Ways To Find Love In Less Than A Year‘ becomes a best seller, millions abide by The Program: How to Find a Husband After 35, or subscribe to Catch Him and Keep Him.com. You can get a 30 day free trial of the ‘From Casual to Committed’ Program plus bonus interviews with dating experts with such gems as: agree with him, don’t whine, and be less available. Most importantly, ‘assume the part’.
Spare a thought for those on the receiving end. The antithesis to catch is to run. Men get labeled commitment-phobes when they’re simply in survival mode fleeing a desperate predator, who happens to be armed with a how-to manual. In your 20s it was the other way around. Men chased and women were selective, just as nature intended. There are 105 male babies born to every 100 females to allow men to do just that. That was before fear of missing out set in and women started behaving in unnatural ways, imagining a future with a bloke she’s just clapped eyes on. She’s chosen her wedding dress and seen swings in the backyard before she’s even seen him cry. A male friend calls it ‘wedding patrol’, priming the unsuspecting boyfriend for a proposal. Her longing for a husband overrides her patience.
Don’t think men can’t sense it. She doesn’t love him for him but for his potential as a husband and, better still, father. Just photo-shop his face into the wedding pic later. In her defence, she can’t help all of it. Her desire to find a mate to propagate the species is innate. But we shouldn’t need instruction in what remains the most natural of human instincts: mating.
No wonder men aren’t getting married until 40+. If it’s all been a ruse, what happens when he finds out the truth? Far better to be your best self. There’s bound to be more longevity in that.